My Dog, for committing the ultimate in Wet Blanket Behaviour: Ruining Birthday Parties.
He just ate the birthday cake my husband spent all night last night baking for me. We were going to share it with our new neighbours and the only people we know in this god-forsaken podunk upstate town in the middle of nowhere.
The kicker: lots of sugar and lots of flour wreak havoc on a little dog's sensitive digestive system.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
That Is Stupid #3: How do you make corn chowder?
1 can cream of celery soup
1 can cream of potato soup
1 can whole kernel corn
2 c. Half and Half
Salt and pepper to taste
1 can New England clam chowder
Combine all ingredients in large saucepan. Heat to blend, eat with crackers.
Yeah, eat with crackers, cracker. Why not just buy 5 cans of corn chowder? What kind of moron decided that corn chowder according to the above recipe was a good idea? The scary thing is that some people would consider mixing 4 cans of condensed soup together to be "cooking" and a "creative effort."
Well, I don't. And you shouldn't either.
Try the following, instead. It is a product of intelligence guided by experience.
Actual Corn Chowder
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
2 Tbsp olive oil
Sautee chopped onion and garlic in olive oil until onion becomes translucent.
3 cups milk
Place milk, onion, and garlic in a pot over medium heat.
2 potatoes
salt
black pepper
Cook cubed potato over high heat in the pan in which you cooked the onion. When browned, add to the pot.
3 ears corn
1 spring onion
Slice the kernels off of the cobs and into the soup. Put half of a sliced spring onion into the pot. Fry up the other half of the spring onion so that it is crunchy and use that as a garnish.
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander
salt to taste
water
Make the soup taste nice, then let it cook for a few minutes. Add water to the desired consistency, or more milk if you'd rather.
If you're vegan, as I'm sure some of you are, substitute coconut milk for the cow's milk.
1 can cream of potato soup
1 can whole kernel corn
2 c. Half and Half
Salt and pepper to taste
1 can New England clam chowder
Combine all ingredients in large saucepan. Heat to blend, eat with crackers.
Yeah, eat with crackers, cracker. Why not just buy 5 cans of corn chowder? What kind of moron decided that corn chowder according to the above recipe was a good idea? The scary thing is that some people would consider mixing 4 cans of condensed soup together to be "cooking" and a "creative effort."
Well, I don't. And you shouldn't either.
Try the following, instead. It is a product of intelligence guided by experience.
Actual Corn Chowder
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
2 Tbsp olive oil
Sautee chopped onion and garlic in olive oil until onion becomes translucent.
3 cups milk
Place milk, onion, and garlic in a pot over medium heat.
2 potatoes
salt
black pepper
Cook cubed potato over high heat in the pan in which you cooked the onion. When browned, add to the pot.
3 ears corn
1 spring onion
Slice the kernels off of the cobs and into the soup. Put half of a sliced spring onion into the pot. Fry up the other half of the spring onion so that it is crunchy and use that as a garnish.
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander
salt to taste
water
Make the soup taste nice, then let it cook for a few minutes. Add water to the desired consistency, or more milk if you'd rather.
If you're vegan, as I'm sure some of you are, substitute coconut milk for the cow's milk.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
What's wrong with global warming.
The repubs get the word into their heads and think it means warming. It doesn't. It means turbulent weather.
Watch the spot just west of New Orleans.
Watch the spot just west of New Orleans.
Creationism is rampant
The United States is a country that was founded by puritans. An article in the NY Times last week discusses a teacher, David Campbell, who is struggling to teach Florida public school kids the theory of evolution by natural selection. Struggling because these children have not only been indoctrinated with ludicrous creationist bullshit by their parents but they've also been taught not to think, ask questions or come to conclusions on their own. They've been taught to adamantly, brutishly stand by something that they aren't, by virtue of the thing itself, allowed to question.
It upsets me greatly that people actively choose ignorance. I am disheartened by the fact that they willfully misunderstand what science tells them. The worst part? The wet blanket? It's only getting worse, thank you very much Kansas State Board of Education. The mere fact that there is a need for laws that explicitly require evolution to be taught in school is depressing. It means that there are thousands of teachers out there, teaching hundreds of thousands of students, in the name of science, that a man with a white beard waved a magic wand one day, presumably out of boredom, and we all appeared. Or worse, that perhaps out of sheer laziness, he just invented a way for it to perpetuate itself and that's where natural selection comes in.
"[Americans] have a deep-seated distrust of real intellectual effort (probably because we suspect that it will destroy, and I hope it does, that myth of America to which we cling so desperately). " James Baldwin, The Discovery of What It Means to Be an American, January 25 1959 .
It upsets me greatly that people actively choose ignorance. I am disheartened by the fact that they willfully misunderstand what science tells them. The worst part? The wet blanket? It's only getting worse, thank you very much Kansas State Board of Education. The mere fact that there is a need for laws that explicitly require evolution to be taught in school is depressing. It means that there are thousands of teachers out there, teaching hundreds of thousands of students, in the name of science, that a man with a white beard waved a magic wand one day, presumably out of boredom, and we all appeared. Or worse, that perhaps out of sheer laziness, he just invented a way for it to perpetuate itself and that's where natural selection comes in.
"[Americans] have a deep-seated distrust of real intellectual effort (probably because we suspect that it will destroy, and I hope it does, that myth of America to which we cling so desperately). " James Baldwin, The Discovery of What It Means to Be an American, January 25 1959 .
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
What's wrong with politics #1
The election coming up is probably going to Obama. Well, more than probably - he couldn't lose it if he tried. Very hard. Extremely hard. The amount of difficulty involved in losing the election is directly proportional to how shitty the last people left everything.
And whoever comes next, and whoever comes after that, some things are now damaged beyond repair. The shitheads have run the country into the ground face-first and a lot of what's broken is gone forever. No use crying over spilt milk. Can't turn back the clock now.Shitheads 8, Non-shitheads 0.
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Monday, August 18, 2008
Mattresses
Here's a fun game I play. First, I walk into a mattress store and ask what's on sale. Then, I throw my hands in the air and shout along with the salesman, "EVERYTHING'S ON SALE!!!!" Oh how we laugh, the salesman and I. And while he's still chuckling, I turn around and walk out, because I fricking hate mattress salesmen.
Courtesy of my new hero at slate magazine.
Hmm. Does anyone else have any advice about mattress purchase and selection to share?
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What's wrong with the internet #1
The internet is a huge waste of time.
I've wasted time on the internet, and I know it. You've wasted time on the internet, and you know it. So has everyone else you know and they all know it.
If all the time that everyone you know wasted on the internet was used productively, then the world would be a much, much better place.
But it won't. It will be wasted on the internet.
I've wasted time on the internet, and I know it. You've wasted time on the internet, and you know it. So has everyone else you know and they all know it.
If all the time that everyone you know wasted on the internet was used productively, then the world would be a much, much better place.
But it won't. It will be wasted on the internet.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
What is the world coming to?
Two funny incidents stand out in our recent trip across the country that make one wonder what the world is coming to.
One night we were forced to stay in a hotel due to an unfortunate combination of bison and rain. We took one of the three vacant hotel rooms left in the entire city of Cody, Wyoming at a place that tried not very hard to be posh and upscale, The Cody. When checking out in the morning, I had the following conversation.
"Hi, I'd like to check out. Room one-sixteen." I said this hoping that they hadn't noticed that we had kept a dog in the room.
The hotel clerk, different from the one the night before clickety-clacked on her keyboard and said, "Okay, you're all set."
She hadn't offered me a receipt. "Thanks. Could I have a copy of the receipt?" She nodded and there was a pause while she did something with the computer hidden away beneath the reception desk. I continued, "We're moving across the country for work, so this hotel stay will be tax deductible."
She was just about to hand me the receipt when I said that; my comment stopped her. She peered at the receipt and said, "Oh. Ah think they added tax to this."
The other thing that happened was also in Wyoming. We bought groceries at Woody's Grocery in Newcastle, WY. The scanning of bar codes by the teenaged clerk proceeded as per usual until she came to a couple grapefruits. She put the grapefruits on the scale, punched a numeric code into the computer, and the monitor came up with oranges. I said, "Those aren't oranges." She fumbled with the computer for a moment, voided the oranges line, and turned to the bagger, another teenager, and asked, "What are these?"
What is the world coming to?
One night we were forced to stay in a hotel due to an unfortunate combination of bison and rain. We took one of the three vacant hotel rooms left in the entire city of Cody, Wyoming at a place that tried not very hard to be posh and upscale, The Cody. When checking out in the morning, I had the following conversation.
"Hi, I'd like to check out. Room one-sixteen." I said this hoping that they hadn't noticed that we had kept a dog in the room.
The hotel clerk, different from the one the night before clickety-clacked on her keyboard and said, "Okay, you're all set."
She hadn't offered me a receipt. "Thanks. Could I have a copy of the receipt?" She nodded and there was a pause while she did something with the computer hidden away beneath the reception desk. I continued, "We're moving across the country for work, so this hotel stay will be tax deductible."
She was just about to hand me the receipt when I said that; my comment stopped her. She peered at the receipt and said, "Oh. Ah think they added tax to this."
The other thing that happened was also in Wyoming. We bought groceries at Woody's Grocery in Newcastle, WY. The scanning of bar codes by the teenaged clerk proceeded as per usual until she came to a couple grapefruits. She put the grapefruits on the scale, punched a numeric code into the computer, and the monitor came up with oranges. I said, "Those aren't oranges." She fumbled with the computer for a moment, voided the oranges line, and turned to the bagger, another teenager, and asked, "What are these?"
What is the world coming to?
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