What's wrong with the mainstream media. Well fuck, what's right with it?

First off, a little back story. You know the main stream media, right? Those boring people that you get on the television between american idol and gossip girl? The ones that make a nice writing surface for that overprice crossword puzzle you get sent every sunday? (I'm assuming. I have neither. And won't. I have nothing but contempt for this dilettante leechfuck rable. As you will too once you've finished reading this post.)

Weeeeelll. They seem to have a little bit of trouble with blogs. You know: like this one. Apparently, bloggers just copy all their hard research, and work, repackage it, and then bask in the public glory of it all.

Here, let me show you how it's done: instead of trying to write this post myself, I'm just going to crib a few other people's writing. Simpler, easier, and filling just as much space on the page.

Over the past months, I've heard several journalists make the same comment at various industry forums: That blogs are a "parasitic" medium that wouldn't be able to exist without the reporting done at newspapers.

I hear the frustration behind the comment. You bust your rear to get stories in the paper, then watch bloggers grab traffic talking about your work. All the while your bosses are laying off other reporters, citing circulation declines, as analysts talk about newspapers losing audience to the Web. It's not hard to understand why many newspaper journalists would come to view blogs as parasites, sucking the life from their newsrooms.

Well, boo hoo. Let's see how amazingly well these fuckers cover the news: maybe I should be going straight to the source after all. Another blogger's post, I rip off below:

This post may be a statement of the obvious, but it’s an observation I had this morning. As is typical, I skimmed the Kindle versions of The Boston Globe, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal on my subway ride to work. I thought it was very interesting how the three papers described the audience at President Obama’s town hall meeting in New Hampshire last night.
First up, The Boston Globe:

Obama’s audience at Portsmouth High School gymnasium was tame. The bleachers teemed with Obama supporters… The president wound up preaching to the choir, which applauded wildly at his calls for action on healthcare – at one point breaking into a chant of “Yes we can!”

Next up, The New York Times:

Unlike many of Mr. Obama’s town-hall-style meetings, usually filled to the rafters with supporters, Tuesday’s meeting included skeptics from whom he sought out questions. At one point he asked that only people who disagreed with his approach raise their hands to be called on. There were plenty who responded.

Finally, The Wall Street Journal:

Inside Portsmouth High School, Mr. Obama faced a friendly crowd, so much so that he sought out some tough questioners.

And just to round it out, I checked out Fox News once I got to work:

Obama faced no disruptions at his meeting, instead taking questions from supporters who soft-balled him opportunities to knock down criticism.

….and The Huffington Post:

The encounter was so friendly, in fact, that by the end Obama was even asking for skeptical questioners to come forward – to no avail.

Well, well, you little sacks of shit with your fedora hats and your pencils at the ready: go run to the payphone and phone in your scoop. You couldn't report yourself out of a paper bag full of flaming dogshit, and yet you complain when people report on your reporting? Your writing and your point of view would benefit a great deal from a strong dose of objectionism, delivered with a swinging blow to the back of the head.

The biggest wet blanket to date.

Don't bother with the back story - it's just there so you know I didn't pull this out of my ass. Just read the last line - the one in bold.

John Williams of www.shadowstats.com notes that official US deficit statistics do NOT include net present value of unfunded social security OR Medicare expenses. A lot of folks have made a big deal about the US running a $1 trillion deficit this year. Well, if you included the net value of those unfunded Social Security and Medicare expenses we cleared a $1 trillion deficit in 2007, a $5 TRILLION deficit in 2008 and are on course to clear a $9 TRILLION deficit this year.

To give you an idea of how big a problem these deficits are, consider that the US government could tax its citizens 100% of their earnings and NOT have a balanced budget.

Let me explain in simple fucking english for you:

The US government could tax its citizen at 100% of their earning and NOT have a balanced budget.


What? You want a picture?



For fuck's sake. Shit like this makes wet blankery no fun at all.

Seeking Alpha: the coming economic collapse

That is stupid #4. Alaskan Manly Men Gourment Coffee, Ahar!

Ahar mateys! Come aboard an' try some of my delicious grog. Ahar! I mean coffee: coffee thick as a slurry o'fish bait rolling around in a ship's hold after a long voyage, with the delicate aroma of a skipper's armpits and the barest hint of o'stale crab meat.

Come meet me for a cup at your local supermarket. No autographs please! But I am available for children's parties. Ahar! I mean p-arghties, of course.

Suspension of Disbelief

This morning, my underwear reminded me of something I'd like to share: suspension of disbelief. I'll spare you the entire train of thought, but suffice it to say that I got to thinking about the movie The Incredibles. Specifically, I was thinking about the superfast little boy who zipped up from his school desk, put a tack on his teacher's chair, and zipped back to his desk before anybody could register that he was not in his seat.

Ok. That's fine. Let's suspend our disbelief. Grant the little tyke his speedy feat. But what about all the consequent phenomena? Just how fast was he going? Faster than sound? He would have made a shock wave and everybody in his class would have heard the sonic booms. Let's say he stayed under Mach 1. His trip through the classroom would have left the air stirring like the wake of a semi truck. The tack he placed probably would have been sucked up into the low pressure zone he made as he vacated the spot he was in as he placed the tack. A roaring wind would have ripped around the classroom. Surely people would have noticed.

Completely unbelievable, even if you posit the one incredible thing. That brings me to the general point of this particular wet blanket. Suspension of disbelief is great. I like it. But there's only so far a reasonable person can go with it. We can easily suspend our disbelief regarding phenomena outside the human experience or outside the realm of knowledge. But once universal laws start getting stepped on, the disbelief suspension gets less and less easy.

Take for instance another movie, X-Men: The Last Stand (colloquially, X-Men 3). I'm willing to grant Wolverine his claws and healing ability and metal-coated skeleton. I can grant Professor X his telepathy. There are lots of the mutant powers toward which I am willing to suspend disbelief. But what about that one dude who kept throwing those spikes at Wolverine? Where did they come from? Where is all the mass coming from? And the scene with the bridge and Alcatraz? OOH! That is completely unbelievable, it had me spluttering and pointing in disbelief. Bridges are the shape they are because some really smart people spent a lot of time and energy designing them. And suspension bridges absolutely depend on the cables to hold them up. That bridge would have collapsed the moment that our nearly believable Magneto stopped holding it up.

I have another movie example. In Starship Troopers, which by the way absolutely murdered Heinlein's novel, a ship in orbit around a planet is shot down. Hm? Things in orbit don't fall out of orbit just because they get broken into two pieces. They are already falling. That's what orbiting is. They can't just fall out of the sky. Remember the Chinese weather satellite? It is still up there in pieces.

When well understood physical laws get violated, I start asking questions. And so should you. I don't mean to be a killjoy (or should I say, "wet blanket?"), but I do want people to do a little more thinking and question asking than they seem to do now. And if you are a movie maker, I would be happy to act as a believability consultant.

That Is Stupid #3: How do you make corn chowder?

1 can cream of celery soup
1 can cream of potato soup
1 can whole kernel corn
2 c. Half and Half
Salt and pepper to taste
1 can New England clam chowder

Combine all ingredients in large saucepan. Heat to blend, eat with crackers.

Yeah, eat with crackers, cracker. Why not just buy 5 cans of corn chowder? What kind of moron decided that corn chowder according to the above recipe was a good idea? The scary thing is that some people would consider mixing 4 cans of condensed soup together to be "cooking" and a "creative effort."

Well, I don't. And you shouldn't either.

Try the following, instead. It is a product of intelligence guided by experience.

Actual Corn Chowder

1 onion
2 cloves garlic
2 Tbsp olive oil
Sautee chopped onion and garlic in olive oil until onion becomes translucent.

3 cups milk
Place milk, onion, and garlic in a pot over medium heat.

2 potatoes
salt
black pepper
Cook cubed potato over high heat in the pan in which you cooked the onion. When browned, add to the pot.

3 ears corn
1 spring onion
Slice the kernels off of the cobs and into the soup. Put half of a sliced spring onion into the pot. Fry up the other half of the spring onion so that it is crunchy and use that as a garnish.

1 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander
salt to taste
water
Make the soup taste nice, then let it cook for a few minutes. Add water to the desired consistency, or more milk if you'd rather.

If you're vegan, as I'm sure some of you are, substitute coconut milk for the cow's milk.

That is stupid #2: The Toyota "Segway killer"

What's lamer than the Segway? A segway clone. Something this stupid must be seen to be believed.

Wait, I don't want to see it. I want to see the person who thought designing something to be driven with your knees was a good idea. Maybe give them some spare change to spend on more malt liquor.

Tokyo — TOYOTA MOTOR CORPORATION (TMC) announced today development of the "Winglet", a personal transport assistance robot ridden in a standing position.

Shit, I was so mistaken, it's not a cheap-late-japanese-segway-ripoff, it's "personal transport assistance robot ridden in a standing position." Whatever you do, don't mention Segway. I did once, but I think I got away with it.

The Winglet—still being refined— is one of TMC's people-assisting Toyota Partner Robots. Designed to contribute to society by helping people enjoy a safe and fully mobile life, the Winglet is a compact next-generation everyday transport tool that offers advanced ease of use and expands the user's range of mobility. The Winglet consists of a body (with a projected area the size of an A3 sheet of paper) that houses an electric motor, two wheels and internal sensors that constantly monitor the user's position and make adjustments in power to ensure stability. Meanwhile, a unique parallel link mechanism allows the rider to go forward, backward and turn simply by shifting body weight, making the vehicle safe and useful even in tight spaces or crowded environments.TMC has created three models, the "L", "M" and "S", each having different handling features that allow consumers to select a model appropriate to their needs—from "practical" to "hands-free sporty". TMC plans various technical and consumer trials to gain feedback during the Winglet's lead-up to practical use. Practical tests of its utility as a mobility tool are planned to begin in Autumn 2008 at Central Japan International Airport (Centrair) near Nagoya, and Laguna Gamagori, a seaside marine resort complex in Aichi Prefecture. Testing of its usefulness in crowded and other conditions, and how non-users react to the device, is to be carried out in 2009 at the Tressa Yokohama shopping complex in Yokohama City.TMC is pursuing sustainability in research and development, manufacturing and social contribution as part of its concept to realize "sustainability in three areas" and to help contribute to the health and comfort of future society. Toyota Partner Robot development is being carried out with this in mind and applies TMC's approach to monozukuri ("making things"), which includes its mobility, production and other technologies. In a related development, TMC unveiled the "MOBIRO" mobility robot, designed for use in a sitting position, in 2007. TMC aims to realize the practical use of Toyota Partner Robots in the early 2010s by furthering its robotic development and strengthening collaboration between industry, government and academia.

In other words, blah blah blah blah blah, it's a Segway. But don't mention Segways.

It's not a Segway: Live from Akihackabarabarrara news

That is stupid #1: The £40,000 rocking horse

Almost $80,000 for a pony ride "you can ride at any time of day" in the comfort of your "centrally heated or air-conditioned" living room, that doesn't involve ponies, or riding, or anything like that.

(Racewood Simulators) designer and company managing director Bill Greenwood said: "Private individuals buy them who don't have space for a horse in central London.

With one of our simulators you can ride at any time of day in a centrally heated or air-conditioned environment.

You don't need the space or a dressage arena because it's not physically going anywhere - you can put it in a small room or in a garden shed."

Moron.


The amazing Ridemaster courtesy of telegraph.co.uk